Are MMORPGs just a game? Am I just a child's plaything? I have spent countless hours at the beach, in my Corvette, at the ball, and who knows where else just to make little girls happy all around the world. I transform their lives into a better place where they can be the most popular girl in school, wear high heels, mini skirts, and look perfect. They need me. Without such a perfect doll with hand-painted eyes and an eternally white smile, these girls would have to spend their pathetic lives in a harsh reality of mud puddles, salami, and bad breath.

Computer Haiku

Use the Computer

Small box with many dangers

Parents need rules

Barbie plays chess?

I, Barbie, cannot comprehend, even with my infinite knowledge, how someone could become addicted to chess. There are no accessories. I found out that the queen doesn't even get to wear sparkely jewels in her crown, let alone high heels.

I have found that my time is much more beneficial spending hours online shopping. How else would I have found a hot pink, leather, bullet-proof body suit? These hours have been well spent.

Fire breathing barbie

After studying the world of open source development in computers. In 1996, I Barbie announced that any one, could redesign Barbie and distribute Barbie however they wanted. This led to me obtaining some clever and amazing talents. Some of those talents were my hair could regrow itself, my finger nails changed color everyday, I could hold my breath for 40 seconds, and I also had a draw string so I could say funny and always hilarious catch phrases. However, some people gave me talents such as the ability to breath fire, that made us have to go back into private barbie development once again.

The Internet Tea Party

Barbie does not use the internet. She uses the dream net. Barbie does not use Facebook. She uses DreamBook. She does not use google. She uses... she uses .... , well she really doesn't search for anything. Barbie's internet social schedule is and will always be the following:
Tuesday at 11:00 Dream Internet Tea party with my retched mother in law.
Friday at 7:00 Dream Internet convertible ride.
Barbie doesn't have time for anything else on the internet. She is too busy trying to look attractive enough to be accepted by the average 7 year old American girl. Believe me these girls know business and fashion. Why? Because barbie taught them, you American idiot.

Walmart Says!!!

Dear Walmart,
What has your pride done? Where is your dignity? Do you not remember when you were just a child and I Barbie, saved you. Walmart, do you remember when we used to sing:

"Me and you and you and me, No matter how they toss the dice, it has to be, the only one for me is you, and you for me, So happy together. " - The Turtles

Walmart, 6 hours ago you announced that you will be selling me(Barbie) for 9 dollars less than Target. Who do you think I am, Walmart, 2 dollar street trash? If I am not out of your store in 5 minutes, my concubine Rambo will destroy you.

Kicks, Giggles, Bikinis, hopes and dreams,
Barbie

The Profitable Art of Suing Babies

Dear Media,

As of late, you have been falsely reporting that I, Barbie, have been suing innocent babies for copyright infringement. I have been suing innocent babies, yes; this accusation is true. Nevertheless and nothwithstanding, my reasons are moral and my cause is just. When these innocent babies are born, they resemble me in some way, form or feature. This is a complete, utter and blatant violation of the Interuniversal Barbie Copyright Law, circa year 0. Why innocent children choose to scoff at the uncorrupted law is beyond my infinite intelligence. It is indisputable, common knowledge that all innocent babies, given any measure of Barbietitstics, can and will be sued by Barbie. This is a clear breach of the Barbieological agreement. All parents need to know that if they want their innocent child to be in my image, they must pay top cash dollar legal tender currencies for my well defined assets, attributes and endowments. Thank you for your adept understanding, you wildly ethical media, you. I know that you will now give me a positive report. If you do not, I will call your boss and my mom, Oprah, and we will shut you down. Well bye bye now, my faithful husband Ken needs me to be amply passionate with him as we are wont to do.

Love and Sweet Candy Kisses,

Barbie